I hope you won't think any less of me (than you already do) after reading this. I offer it as a cautionary tale. Also, as a reminder that lists might be a helpful thing and something I endeavor to keep in the New Year. It's on my list here somewhere.
Our hapless office assistant Narnia (name changed to protect us all) is big on gift giving. I have never once been able to use with any enjoyment a gift that she's given and I am quite easy to please. I also believe the act of giving transcends the item...usually. It's just the items that she has chosen (or actually bought in mass quantity and told me about) are never something that are well, to my taste or are useful. For example:
- a polyester Christmas ornament scarf that I have absolutely no use for as I don't actually celebrate Christmas. Not that I have anything against Christmas, it's just I'm Jewish and even if I weren't, would still not have such an item in my wardrobe. Off to the donation pile.
- a scarf that has some gold thread through it that itches me like sandpaper. I won't give it away as I wouldn't want to subject this on even the neediest human.
- this year it was a tea light holder (sure, sounds promising) with the word "HOPE" emblazoned in big letters. My first thought was "I hope she'll stop giving me gifts."
"I gave one to my best friend too!" she proclaimed. Right to the garage sale pile.
With these evil thoughts dancing through my head, it was my just comeuppance that I totally blanked on buying Narnia a Christmas present. I bought for the teachers, various school related people - everyone on that list in my head, except Narnia. When did I discover this? As I showered before leaving for work yesterday morning. There must be something to the ole shower waking you up thing as I jumped into reality. What to do? Narnia doesn't go to Starbucks, so a gift card there was out. This was my only option as no other stores were open before my arrival, except the newsstand. Today's paper? "Look Narnia, what a great horoscope you have for today!" Magazines? A bag of Skittles? Come on - think woman, think!
The only viable option was to gift something of my own. Horror of horrors! I looked on the shelves in my room and saw a little silver bird that I always liked and then another little glass paperweight-ish item that I had a perfect gift bag for as it turned out. I held them up to Scissors, telling him of my predicament and asked his opinion on which I should give.
"Give her the bird" was his reply. After I stopped cracking up as funnier than his actual advice was the fact that Scissors didn't really grow up in the States and did not at first realize what he had just told me to do. I gave her what I sold as a paperweight and is currently resting comfortably on Narnia's desk where I can still have visitation rights.
I called my friend Jennifer to tell her of my predicament and had tears streaming down my face laughing as she asked between her own laughter "You gave her something from Montauk? Was it some crappy souevenir item with Welcome to Montauk on it?"
"Yeah sure", I continued "here Narnia, I bought this in the summer thinking it would be a perfect Christmas gift for you. Enjoy!"
I assured her that I scoured the item to make sure it made no mention of its souvenir origins. Once certain, I polished her up and wrapped it.
I believe a list may have saved me this predicament, but then again Narnia would have had to make the list. Maybe I'll start that list now, while it's fresh on my mind.
Ho! Ho! Ho!