I think I know the answer, but forge ahead I must.
It seems like the blog gods are conspiring against me. Weekends away, days off devoted to family, no internet connection. They may get the idea that I actually enjoy time with those I love. And I do. But I realize how much I have enjoyed my short stay thusfar in the Blogosphere. I get a little cranky without my daily dose. I think my friends will forget about my simple little spot, and what with my new avatar. I never really had a chance.
Tap tap tap tap tap. What to write about.
Here's the thing - I'm in way over my head. That's right, present company included. I have fooled you all up to this point, perhaps not, actually. I have fooled you into believing I have something of value to share. I may have even given you a small glimmer into those little nuggets. But, apparently this is as far as I can take it without being personal and writing about myself, so it's been nice knowing you and perhaps I should just keep a personal journal and call it a day. I wish you all well. Bye-bye.
I mean really, isn't it just a bit tawdry to start talking about my lack of education, growing up in an alcoholic family, and many false starts to life that landed me up in the witness protection program? Well not exactly, although that is how I once referred to it. I moved away from my home state (not far) but moved, changed religion and go by my married name. I did have a nose job, but only because I hated the bump that was in the middle of mine - quite natural really. I probably didn't even have to tell you that as you would never have noticed. But, I'm beginning to kind of like you characters.
I'm beginning to abhor coloring my picture a certain way. Sometimes life is fun and there will be a fun story, but sometimes life isn't so fun - I'm not sure why. And maybe it's just okay to color it all blue.
24 comments:
Brian - you early bird! I might have deleted this had you not commented. Now you went and ruined my facade of fun gal about town. Well, that's still who I am, but every comedienne has their dark side. And I have just chosen to comment on mine. Thanks for the reinforcement. The post stays!
Love that you know to say Longggisland. Friends forever now that I know that about you. I'm sure I'll bump into you, just careful of my shade please.
Dear G,
Delete the blog and the gang from the park will be after you....You cannot run, you cannot hide.
You know what? I didn't really want to blog either g. I was happy for months, going around commenting on my friends' blogs. Then a few cyber acquaintances started asking me to blog because they wanted to know more about me. I decided to give it a try-the The Canadian Gourdess was born. I went along, gathering steam for a couple of months, then I inadvertently said something that really hurt the feelings of a friend and I deleted that blog in a fit of extreme disappointment (with myself).
I got so much flak from the people who I had become friends with through blogging (as well as my lurking real life friends and family) that I decided to try again.
I went through phases when I saw other blogger posting daily or being really funny or educational or whatever and thought 'why should I keep doing this?' I can't compete. See, there's that competition thing I mentioned to you in the beginning.
You need to give yourself time to find your groove.
Believe me when I sincerely tell you g that the parts of yourself you share are a precious gift. I value them and I know quite a few people who you've already touched with your humour and humanity.
Well, I could go on but I just implore you to give it time.
And please, we need some light over in the park so please come and bring your lampshade.
Brian, thank you for your timely intervention. We will make you an honorary member.
BDP: Excuse me, but do you have a search warrant?
Brian and Kyah: Did I happen to mention that you both are the salt of the earth? Kyah, truth is I remember your comment exactly. I guess as humans we can't help but to measure ourselves; and against what? or whom? Truth is I value every blog I visit for just that - its unique voice, whatever that voice may be. I'm just developing mine and feeling somewhat vulnerable as I feel as if I am thinking aloud, which kind of works for me.
Anyway, I wouldn't have deleted the blog, just the post:)
Thanks both of you for your friendship and support.
g, one day someone will write a book about the development of the blogosphere. There will be a section on 'becoming a blogger' and they will have dreamed up some cool name for this exact phenomenon that we're discussing. I think most of us go through it.
Hey, maybe we should write a book?! Just kidding.
I believe that term would be blogosis.
you go right ahead and say whatever you want to. if people aren't grown up enough to handle it, then, f***'em.
I once cleaned the house that Jimmy the Weasel was moved into while he was in the WPP.
It had ugly carpets.
I started a blog to sell designer replicas... it became pretty huge as I had a database of pics, over 1000, of celebrities and their bags... no writing, just bags and pics...
Then I decided to try writing... it was what I majored in after all and Loverboy has been on my case for years for me to let loose. My first venture freaked the hell out of me and I deleted the blog... but Loverboy made me try again. And I made friends, and people emailed me and they stuck around and they gave a shit... now, I can say that most of my blogging friends know me way better than most people in real life... it is comforting. Life has been tough and shitty on soooo many levels since our move away from SF that I really and truly do not know where I would be right now without this amazing community of friends.
I am making it an exercise, a personal one, in my blogging to just say it, not hold back and be. It has been so liberating and it has transferred over to my real life as well. I really don't give a shit what anyone thinks of me. What you see is what you get and I will speak my mind and I am not going to let anything pass me by... no "if only"s anymore... you know? Because there are too many of those in my past...
The beginning is quite scary. But then your blog becomes your home... and blogging becomes a second nature thing. I write when life allows me. IN the meantime I visit my friends and say hi and that's it... it is as thrilling as it ever was...
Give it a try... sounds like you really want to... and I for one cannot wait to hear more about you! And hey, cannot let that sexy avatar go to waste now can we? ;-)
boy-oh-boy-oh-boy do i know this drill! only, when joel and i first started, we didn't even have any friends. so you can imagine how depressed i'd get when no one would comment. ('cuz sometimes joel would forget!)
personally, i think the trick is to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. when you feel like you have something to say (or want to say something about *not* having something to say, which i have done manymanymany times!) that's when you should write! besides, as i said in a post last week, sometimes i spend so much freaking time writing comments i have no time to write something for myself (which is why i posted my own comments).
yours is a welcome voice, girlfriend... and you add a lot to the conversation. sooo glad our resident poet was able to talk you off your own writer's ledge... now... take my hand, and i'll help you climb back in through this window! : D
ps... next time you're feeling blue, look around! do you see all the terrific friends you've already made? oh, and don't look now, but you've already found a place on a number of side-bars (even on one particular site that hasn't seen fit to add my own!) trust me, you're doing better than you think!
I have to say thank you to one and all for stopping by and with such encouraging words. Thing is - I won't stop blogging. By the way, FN, feel free to say fuck, now didn't that feel better? I try to not use profanities too much anymore. I mean within reason and of course, muttering or musing to onself while driving doesn't count. But sometimes, no other word will do.
I have to curb myself as well, one of my posts was going to be how I figure out first what I don't like about someone before I figure out what I like. You know snub you before you snub me. Oh, I'm letting you guys in on a lot.
I like what all of you said. Blogging has become an outlet of sorts. I never consistently kept a journal so to jump to blogging has sort of forced my hand. You know, once it's published, I have to keep at it.
In my life I have had difficulties with discussing my feelings on issues. Although many people who know me today don't see that side of me. I have gotten better and you are so right MizB and FN: just saying what's on your mind is so much easier in the long run. That is one beautiful lesson I have learned from my husband - he says what's on his mind and never lives with these sort of worries.
And Neva, I can't imagine nobody visiting those beautiful pups.
Anyway, you all are amazing humans and it is my pleasure to have come across each of your spaces. With lots of love and much carino ~ G
Decided to come by and see what's shaking. Nice place you got here. Oh and "In over your head." Welcome to my world:) Just keep writing. If it feels gooD keep doing it. If it feels bad go watch the tube (How old am I the "Tube" LOL)
Looks like a lot of good advice here already. Even without blogging I have trouble writing about serious bad stuff--my parents fighting, my mother being paranoid schizophrenic, my father dying. I like for the tone of my writing to be very much in my control, and I feel out of control when I write about personally overwhelming issues. I do think you should take the pressure off yourself and find out what material you want to present and in what way. But if you should post something you later regret, so what? Delete it already.
Just to pick up where the others left off, tawdriness is the sap that makes the blogosphere blossom.
Tell us about rhinoplasty.
Hey g - echo all sentiments expressed...you are a very welcome addition to my blog reading!
Mistress Anna - like that advice.
Ahh Weisdo, the key word - control. Love your diction :)
Doug - that's Adrian's cousin, the doctor!
You too Joel, you too.
..oh hell, vinny the weasel? nick the rat? skippy the puppy? anyway, the guy the movie 'Goodfellas' was about. True story.
And the carpet was REALLY ugly.
remember: nobody here is real. you could sit next to one of us on the bus and they'd never know you, or you them. its phonecalls into the void.
AND THE VOID ANSWERING.
*staggers off in search of caffeine*
Okay I am LOL because I realize I had wondered who Vinny the Weasel was and should have asked. I thought, hum, she mentioned a first husband somewhere - was he in the joint? The carpets may have been ugly for a reason - you know, people get wacked in your home, who knows? That is a good story to have. Was it Henry Hill or one of the other guys? Anyway, that's a good story. I like the whole phone call into the void idea. You got any extra java cause for the life of me I can't get a decent cup going today!
Oh no, am I responsible!
Blogging gets into your soul, and there are times that all I want to do is blog, and other times when I would rather do almost anything else
and I though it was Longuyland :-) At least that's what they taught in how to get rid of your Long Island accent, a required class for some at my first college. For some reason I didn't have one
Yes, Pia, you are responsible - you and the author of your lovely cover article, oh yes April Jiminez! But mostly you fore if your blog sucked, I would have gone on to ebay, but noooooo, you are ever the opiate. It's all your fault and I have to thank you. Riiight - Longuyland! I knew I could count on you. The whole accent thing is pretty funny. When we first had Tali, I lived in fear that she would grow up speaking like Cyndi Lauper who is from Queens, now singing like her I wouldn't mind.
This is the one that's forcing me to comment.....if you don't post, you will never, well maybe not never but probably not, take your rightful place as the ONLY ONE IN THE FAM with the stick-to-it-iveness (is that a word)to START A JOURNEY that will end up in an exciting unforseeable place...keep at it, and we'll keep reading.
Everything is a word here...what a pleasant surpirse I found while dusting around the old posts. I'll stick to it because I know eventually, I'll be needing to walk you and yours through it. You allready have your name - Patman, now we just need to set up the blog. No prob.
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