Friday, December 08, 2006

How many fingers am I holding up?

So today I go on a spree of making doctor's appointments. The easy ones first - eyes for me; Julian requires an exam for school as well, dental checkup for me, ditto the kids. Luckily I get the eye doctor for this very evening. Nothing interesting, I'm still holding steady with the magnifiers from the drug store (or a nice equivalent thereof). Except now I need to add 1.00 for watching TV and folding socks I guess, to the 2.50 for reading. The doctor puts whatever drops in your eye to make sure you don't really need a seeing eye dog, and out the door you go.

Except my vision is just slightly blurry. I comfort myself that I could drive home with my eyes closed probably. But first I must stop off at the Pharmacy to pick up my prescription which prevents me from turning into a werewolf.

Before I get to the pharmacy though, I must first cross Queens Blvd. a/k/a "The Boulevard of Death" (I kid you not) but take additional comfort in the fact that my hearing seems to be a bit keener with my vision blurred and I may at least hear the tires screeching as they gun in my direction.

At the drugstore, I decide to see if I can find the newly prescribed magnifiers just this side of fashionable. I succeed and head to the counter with my original pair on my head, the two new pairs, and bloodshot eyes picking up my anti-depressant. The pharmacy assistant seems to go gingerly with me, even calling me dear. Do I look like I need coddling?! Well actually, I look like I need help to my car.

I remember after I pay that pathetically, I have decided to buy SlimFast shakes to knock off a few pounds before my company's Holiday party next week. I've never tried the stuff but figure it couldn't hurt. So back I go into the aisles with my blurred vision looking for it. I think I see something, but alas it is Prune Juice - which I mutter aloud - "prune juice". At this precise moment, the pharmacy assistant walks by and smiles.

"Sure", I think he's thinking - "talking to herself". I continue in my quest and make my way to the counter to pay, along with some battery operated tea lights as you never know when there'll be a blackout and these would set a more relaxed tone to the disaster.

Let's hope it doesn't occur in my blurred vision ride home.


Hobbes said...

That's scary, G. My father used to drive to Auburn from Atlanta after his eye appointments, but we stopped this after he was pulled over for weaving.

Pansi says Slimfast is "GREAT!!!!" It's her favorite food.

Anonymous said...

Isn't that failing eyesight thing just a bitch? Sadly I have come to the conclusion that my arms are no longer long enough to insure adequate vision with my existing eyewear which means that I too will soon head back to the eye doc in search of thicker lenses...or...god forbid, bifocals. Audiobooks here I come!

Anonymous said...

Good luck today, G. I can still see, but I can't hear any more. Quite the prankster, that God, huh?

Speaking of hearing, I hear the people who drive on Queens Blvd. are now using their hood ornaments as targeting sights. Injuries are down, fatalities are up. The HMOs love it.

Anonymous said...

girlfriend, your *first* clue that you were gonna need stronger reading glasses came in MY car, when you had to wear MY readers in order to see the numbers on YOUR phone. and it is a bitch and a half (no offense, Pansi) to start down the slippery aging slope called "failing eyesight".

i wondered where you were yesterday. oh wait, i was the one that was gone most of the day. well, not the one, but one of the ones. can you read this? do you still want to? i should stop. my crazy pills (which i started taking when i stopped my antidepressants) just kicked in, and that won't be good for anyone.

the image of you rooting around the shelves in the pharmacy for cans of Slimfast has been firmly imprinted upon my brain (no, it didn't hurt). and i laugh out loud everytime i get to the part where you say "prune juice" as that clerk walks by. hah! xox

Nessa said...

Those drops make life scary. Glad you made it home and that you can see well enough to blog; D

ann said...

are you okay now?

wishing you and yours Shabbat Shalom

lotsa luv ann xxxxx

Anonymous said...

I call my glasses cheaters...I'm at 1.50. I can't believe you are driving yourself home after the drops. We have an intersection much like your Boulevard of Death. I call it Dysfunction Junction. Does the Slim Fast thing work? I was going to try to knock off the extra Thanksgiving Turkey And Gravy Pounds by not drinking any alcohol before Christmas. It didn't work. I've gained two more pounds and have the
Be careful driving home. You might take that lampshade off your head. It might help.

Miz BoheMia said...

Catching up with the dynamic Lampsha... FO SHO!

The book sounds faboo and you have me itching to get it but alas, being in Spain kinda hinders me sooooo... I'd best sell this damn place and make it on over pronto!!!

Ay... or should I say Eye? Ha, ha, haaa, blah! I have not gone to the eye doctor in practically waaaaaaaaay over a decade! You put this bohemian to shame... I really should go... but, but, but, buuuut...

You know amiga mia, for a muttering-to-herself-Slim-Fast-huntin'-blurry-eyed-DJ mama, you see things pretty damn clearly I tell you... one of myriad reasons why bohemians find you faboo, FABOO I TELL YOU!!!

G said...

Weirsdo: Wow, I drove under a mile, which was enough.

Oh I should have known Pansi had some aid in staying so svelte!

Joel: It is, it is. Let Neva drive you - I think the roads are a bit curvier by your home. Audiobooks? Hmmmmm.

Al: That he is!

Leave it to you Al. Hey you just may be onto something, maybe those are hired guns from the HMO's! Hmmm.

Neva: Oh that's not fair - the numbers on my phone were teeny tin, d'oh it was time for a checkup

Was I gone yesterday? Well that was already days or day or who can remember 5 minutes ago?!

Yes I was a sight to behold in the pharmacy - of course, not by me as I couldn't well, see. xox

Goldennib: Those drops are crazy! Yes, I had my priorities in order - blurry eyed, but clear headed :).

Ann: A couple of days later post Shabbos, things are just fine. Mazal tov for tomorrow. xox

Swampy!: Oddly, the driving wasn't so bad, but the closeup stuff was tough. Ooh, stay away from Dysfunction Junction! I'll let you know on the SlimFast - my first crack at it.

I didn't even consider taking off my lampshade - silly me! There are none so blind... signed LWTLSOHH

MizBohemia: No need to wait - order from! FO SHO!

Haha - eye! Considering I'm at "that age" where eyesight seems to be sliding, I needed to go. You on the other hand, have some years left for you. But a decade, maybe you should have them checked anyway.

Okay that last "sentagraph" is why lamps find you FABOO. Neshikot to you in Espana!

Sweet and Salty said...

lol! Priceless read, G! Actually, I remember being a teenager and asking my mom (who is one step away from a seeing eye dog) how it was to have anything but 20/20 vision. I know now; boy do I now. 20 years of looking at computer screens and who knows what else...

Prune juice???

Careful on that Ave of Death!

Anonymous said...

Just had to pop over and reply here in case you didn't make it back to catch my explanation of the "policeman" picture. We were actually with a NYC policeman friend when I took that picture. I told him I was going to use it as a "cop" picture because no one would notice. All my other pictures of authentic policemen were too blurry. Leave it to someone who wears a lampshade on her head to catch me. BTW, I do think I saw you while we were there. It's hard to miss someone who looks like a lamp walking around. :)

G said...

Pavel: Yes I imagine life as a techie must take its toll on the eyes. Prune juice indeed...although that might also be a good dietary agent. Yuck.

Oh yes, usually I'm only driving on it, but even more reason to make sure some little old lady isn't trying to make it across 8 lanes of traffic as the "Don't Walk" sign is flashing. Maybe they should start flashing a coffin for people to get the picture.

Swampy: See bleary eyed with lampshade on head. That is very funny.

Yes most people thought that I was part of the Saks window display when I was only admiring it.

Anonymous said...

Oh, you frighten me with the diet shakes and blurry eyed driving! You are wreckless, I say! Be careful, darlin', and pooh on the shakes. Yer a hottie as you are.

G said...

Aw shucks, thank you Cindra.

The shakes were a result of a dream sequence in which ten pounds melted off after I drank one. So far, I've had two and don't really like how they make me feel. So my reality is that I'll start my exercise program - feel good and naturally get in shape. This starving oneself is no way to live!