Tuesday, August 29, 2006


Be back for Labor Day! Miss you all allready. Remember. take in mail, water plants...ah who cares!?

I'm on vacation!

Hasta la vista!



Sar, is there any significance in this being post #47? Another nifty link courtesy of PAVEL

You didn't think I'd leave without leaving one last little shred of shameless self-promotion behind, did you? I'll be gone (unless I get to check in) for the rest of the week. Now I leave this esteemed caption contest and switch into Zen mode to welcome the ocean's calming waves.

See you all when I get back.

Watch over my little place here. Don't want squatters to take over. I heard that - yeah, they may do a better job, but are they offering free popcorn?

I didn't think so.


Sunday, August 27, 2006


Beach chairs check. Beach umbrella check. Camera. Check.

See Scissors I've got a list. Right here, (yeah I got yer list). Every year, it's the same thing. I'm going to be prepared. Holy sunblock Batman! Where did the past two weeks go? See I'm not in panic mode because I do believe we pretty much have everything we need - now we just need it in the "good to go" mode. As in packed. He's so efficient about packing but that's basically because he pretty much travels with a hobo's hanky tied on a stick and he's ready for vacation. Yet he always has the right things to wear when he needs them. Seasoned traveler. Me? Overpacker. I have gotten much better, but still.

I am jealous of that ability to go somewhere without worrying about covering all bases. I schlep snacks/water/toys/first aid when we go to the local playground. What's that kids? Special pillows, fuzzy pink blanky - yeah sure shove them in the backseat.

We roll out tomorrow morning. If you want to join us, now's the time to come over because we'll be leaving early. I swear. As soon as I find the thingey to the watchamacallit - camera related items. Ah Scissors will get that.

Water. Check. Kids - of course, they're on my list somewhere! See - right after the toothpaste!

Sun? Can't find it, but I know it's here somewhere.

Did you just see a snowflake?


Now don't be impatient to catch any old flake, wait for the one marked "yours"!

The writer gratefully acknowledges PAVEL'S WEATHER FORECAST for this snowflake.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Do you come seeking your fortune?

Your Fortune Is

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

I got this from SAR'S PLACE, so I hope she won't mind that I've decided to offer my visitors a fortune cookie after their dinner (please feel free to stay, we make plenty).

I know this pales in comparison to the wise and wonderful words of the DALAI BOBO, and may not be very Zen like, but if nothing else they are practical.

And who can't use a dose of fortune and practicality all rolled into one I ask?

Thursday, August 24, 2006

It Was 90 Days Ago Today

G enters blog which for the purpose of today's post looks like an empty dance studio. Cues music - Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes and fade in..."Well I've had the time of my life. No I've never felt this way before, Yeah I swear it's the truth and I owe it all to y-" scraaatch - arm getting dragged across record. STOP! People have no idea what the heck is going on here! Today is three months since my first post hit the streets. For those of you not here for the WELCOMEtake a look, scroll down to the beginning. How could there have been a time when you all weren't here?

I must say, it is hard to believe the friends that I've made over the past three months. Wow, only three months - and all this could be yours, with monthly installments of $9.99 and if you act now, we'll give you a second blog free!

"Hell with winnebagos, we're giving them away". Okay, that's my contest, first to name what song that's from, gets...to vote for me at SAR'S today and tomorrow. Or tomorrow, or, not "and tomorrow".

I have documented why I started blogging - just to write and find my voice. I have indicated frustration along the way. Come on, what worth having or finding in life is easy? Please tell me nothing, otherwise, I'll wonder why things don't always feel so easy for me. I'm not whining, just musing. There is a vast difference. Just don't ask me to explain it.

Music cues back up..."You're the one thing I can't get enough of, I tell you something. This must be love because I've had..." G sashays across studio!

Nobody puts baby in a corner!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

We got a 402 in progress...

It was an evening like any other in the Lampshade Household. The kids each had reasons why they ate their dinner a little earlier and so for Julian after a full day in his underpants and no accidents, he decided that enough was enough. After cleaning him up, into the bathtub he went. Tali decided she wanted to take a shower and so went downstairs for same.

Which left Scissors and I to have dinner as the two of them luxuriated on their respective lilly pads. The two of us - no kids at the table.

That is until I heard, "MOMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!!!" which caused me to drop my fork and go sprinting downstairs to a locked bathroom door. Jiggle handle - "Tali, what's the matter?!" Horrified sobbing response:

T: "There's a spider outside the shower door".
M: "Okay, open the door and let me in."
T: "If I do that, he'll jump on me."
M: "Tali, spiders don't jump. Open the door quickly and just hit the handle of the door."
T: "It jumps, I saw it jump!"
M: "Open the door, Tali, I can't help you from out here."
T: "This is why I want you to take a shower with me."
M: "Open the door Tali, you can do it."

Parental Unit 1 calls for backup to Parental Unit 2 who joins me. "We got a kid frozen in fear in the shower, spider spotted on premises, *crackle* request backup."

D: "Tali open the door, it's Daddy, I'll get whatever it is.
T: "I caaaan't - I'm afraid".

I get kicked upstairs - 10 minutes elapse. Daughter still holed up in shower. I go back downstairs. Tali pleads, "Go outside and throw something in the window at it to get rid of it." I'm desperate enough for it to make sense. I go outside, open the screen (yes dear readers, this is the city so there are of course some bars (nice looking ornamental) but yes bars on the window which would prevent anyone from climbing in a tiny window that maybe a Bratz doll would fit through anyway. I can however, reach through and open the screen and for once be happy that there is a nurf football on the windowsill (?) okay. I pelt it in the direction of the offender.

M: "Tali, is it there?"
T: "It's not moving, it's dead.
M: "Okay I'm coming in - open the door."
T: "It's not deeeaaaadd, throw some other things"

Alright, three clothespins and a large wooden dreidl later (which again I am only too happy to have on hand to pelt but do wonder why we would need a dreidl in August in the backyard), the offender has moved, but not enough to satisfy Tali. A few Ello design pieces of Tali's shoved under the door and the offender has moved away from the shower door. Whereby I talk Tali off the ledge and the lever clicks downward allowing me to gallantly burst in with toilet paper in hand, drop on the floor, move things around and find a...grasshopper! Well now that would account for the jumping!

Animal rights activists may want to leave the room now. I smashed him up in the toilet paper and flushed him to his watery resting place. I turned to Tali who had injured herself in the shear terror of the moment and had blood on her side from digging her nails in. As I wrapped her up and said "There there, it's okay, Mommy's here, it's gone." Tali, no longer crying but needing to have someone to blame for this horror, glared "I told you that you should take a shower with me".

And so up we went to get her ready for the cooldown with the weaponry from the attack still lying on the floor.

Why couldn't she just have inherited my eye color?

Monday, August 21, 2006

Sir Edmund Hillary of Queens

I was about to post some Urban Blight when my server went all "I'm scared of that" on me. So instead I bring you my very own Sir Edmund Hillary ascending the Hillary Step.

Actually, this is a small rock climbing wall in one of the local parks - Juniper Valley Park. This is excellent for Julian as he has difficulty with hand eye coordination and this sort of forces that concentration necessary to ascend the "summit". He is so proud of himself when he makes it to the top and often does so without anyone helping him. There was another great picture of Tali and Julian together, but as it turned out I videod instead of photoed and apparently I haven't advanced that far in my mucking about.

Goes back into her bag of tricks (sound of pots/pans digital cameras being flung about), how about a 75% of the fam pic? Tired, but willing to soldier on for ice cream:

Where am I? Why documenting this urban existence.

Technical difficulties with the date, but we're getting there. I must send out thanks to all for the encouragement, but it was my dear little nonchalant GOOD GIRL, yes GG who tossed off the idea to just start shoving things into slots in the computer. Something like that. Sound technical advice as it turns out. Somewhere in Tennessee, SUPER NERD is tossing in his sleep.

So thank you GG. For helping me to post and keeping me one day further from actually reading a manual.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Technology, you're killing me!

Ahh those were simpler times. May 2006. My first blog post. So young so innocent. Fast forward to the present day. That's right - my three month anniversary coming up right about now. I'll have to set flowers next to the computer.

I took a few fun/interesting pictures that would make a great backdrop for a post right about now. Where are they? Don't break your mouse trying to select on some unseen link that I've messed up. They're stored safely in my digital camera. That's right - the one that we were last on the block to get. I won it at the "Company Picnic" about a year ago. Nothing fancy, but now that I'd like to pull all the pieces together, I can't find the software install disk for my PC and the USB thingey. *^%$*

They were lovely pictures of urban blight, rock climbing and just another day in the Lampshade Family.

How I spent my summer vacation.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Want to hear a fairy tale?


It is an enchanting tale of a princess and a dragon. Hope that you enjoy it. I know I did!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Doing it Every Day - Addendum

I started this as a return comment to yesterday's post and it got a little lengthy, so in my head it made sense to go for the extra credit points of a post. Simmer down - the points are self awarded!

You'll please pardon my broader rather than individual response to yesterday's post. I did want to thank you for coming by for visits, reading and even liking my writing. I must say it is encouraging. Really, I thank all who took the time to comment, I so appreciate the various viewpoints and feelings that my posts provoke.

I think Minka got at the crux of where I was going though, this is a creative discipline that may just be necessary. Self imposed,not borne of external expectations. And I'd have to thank Pia for her advice as well because she's been down this path for some time; her advice makes sense and she knows, it seems, exactly the struggle I am alluding to. That of balance and writing for writing's sake. I'll point out that both Minka and Pia (like myself) are Cancerians. Hmmmm.

My every day requim is basically to force myself into creative mode. It is a discipline that I have heard recommended by the real professionals. But I don't need to publish every day, I can write on my own as well - as Pia pointed out. Do you get better at roller skating by doing it once a week? You're probably able to get up and get around on them, but you might also like to be able to skate backwards. As I write, I can pay attention to the important grammatical and technical side of sentence construction, the latter I may be just a tad sloppy at and the former, well my basics are good. Work is needed.

I enjoy the social aspect of blogging as well but as I: 1) work pretty much full time 2) have two children who would like some attention 3) have a husband - hey what about me says Scissors. I did this to start writing not necessarily reading. I realize that last comment sounds insulting, but pleae it is not intended as such. That's the problem - you're all so enjoyable, I need to be able to manage it better. That's where it gets tricky.

Hey, it's a procees. I'm learning. But I'm enjoying every step of the way.

Speaking of Steps Neva, when does our Tuesday meeting start?

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Should I do it every day?

Write that is! Nasty little so-and-sos!

Although still within the probationary period, I am fast becoming a blog veteran. Ask Doug, we grow so quickly. And call me observant, but it seems a number of blogs that I jump around to, write every day! This anvil fell on my head today as I looked at a couple of non-regulars. There was a theme emerging - one post followed the next, in chronological order. Now I have not really been disciplined in doing so. I write a post here, put a picture there and voila - I have myself a post on average, oh every three days! Just when I think I'm doing well - I come across the overachiever crowd - the professionals.

It makes sense though. Get in the habit of writing. Develop your voice. Two of the reasons I started blogging. Really work at it. Oops, shouldn't have typed that... Work!? This was supposed to be fun. Well it is. You're tricking me. You can have fun and learn! I'm getting nervous. I'll have to think, have fun, this introduces a whole new dimension. Well how about if you just write and don't think of it at all? You remember that book, The Artist's Way? Yeah more trickery. I think I sold it in that garage sale. Maybe I shouldn't have. How long did you do those "Morning Pages"? Every day. How long? For a time. How long? I think maybe 3 weeks - a month! Eight days. Okay, how about my journals? Yeah, sure how about them? I was just reading some entries to Tali last night! Uh huh - some entries. Bout how many? Well I read her about three - there were more. Oh how we laughed at those three! Really? How many more? About, tap tap tap, uh three. That would be impressive - if it were over the period of - a week. I know, I was busy - she was a baby and then Julian came along. Okay, they're four years apart. Alright so the six lousy entries spanned five years. They were busy meaningful years. I have pictures. I'll put words to them at some point. Where are those pictures?

Okay, this is getting personal. Interview over. I feel attacked. I feel that I should write about it. Perhaps every day. Okay, posts every other day? Let's talk about this over coffee? How do you like yours? Every day.

You know I was just thinking of cutting back. On my caffeine consumption!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Gaze upon the waters...

Gaze upon the waters my beautiful child
For the answers are all there to see
The peace that awaits you quietly there
and knows you are who you should be.

Please forgive me as I am not a poet, but love this picture, wanted to share it and the writing serves only as a caption. This picture was taken on the beach at Montauk where we will be heading in about two weeks. Somehow life's a little freer and easier there (as vacations should be).

Now who wants to help me look for Montauk rocks? Maybe we'll even find some shells.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

You got off easy!

You know I'm sitting here and I could cry. You must think I cry a lot. Not really, except when I write things that touch something inside.

Tonight when I got home from work, we ate quickly and headed out to a local park. The night was clear, humidity low; the kids ran around enjoying the freedom. We're here to hang out and enjoy a free concert so blankets and chairs are spread everywhere. The musicians are just warming up.

Now I have mentioned a bit about Julian. You see, sometimes he walks around without awareness, i.e., across blankets, kicking a ball in his path, sitting in someone's seat - it's all fair game. Sort of the Mr. Magoo of the Preschool set. He has certain sensory integration issues where his body doesn't always signal "too close", "take a step back", "don't lay across that child".

Tonight, children are criss-crossing in their various activities. If you are not tracking Julian's every move, it may go okay, it may not. Sometimes in the mayhem of settling in, we each think the other is watching. I mean we're there with friends, he's within peripheral vision. The other thing is sometimes in the mayhem, Julian's not sure what to do when he finds himself in the center of 50 kids running this way and that. I'm scanning and I see him. A child has just fallen down. Oh very nice, he's going over to help him u - oh not very nice, he's going to lay on top of the kid. As he is in motion to do so and has pretty much accomplished this feat, I yell out "Julian!" and at this time the kid's father takes Julian by his upper arm which isn't too much bigger than my wrist and waves the equivalent of a red flag in front of a bull - he exerts a slight pressure. Now I get there of course in .0125 seconds and say "Don't put your hands on my son - didn't you see me coming?!". To which he shoots back "Well that's only the third time". To which I say, "I am here, you see me coming, don't you ever ever put your hands on my child - EVER.". Now at this point I have the Queens Crazy Bitch look and I'm thinking I'll rip his head off and kick it across the field. It seems he senses this and turns and beats a hasty retreat to his yenta wife on their blanket. Luckily Scissors is not there in this moment. We may have been like sharks in a feeding frenzy. Don't get me wrong, I correct Julian, redirect him, don't let him get away with actions with impunity. But here's the thing, he has no idea, there is no malicious intent in his actions. It's a work in process learning all of these social ques. I certainly would never and have never put my hand to someone's child period.

Julian has taken this opportunity and has now struck off on the great squirrel hunt. When I catch him, he does not want to hear about his misdeeds, and is quickly on the path to the old story change "so then it's just pathetic! pathetic!" both hands gesticulating about as he tries to escape around the tree. He doesn't necessarily mean this about the present situation, but these are the words he can call up. As I think back it is just pathetic, no less than 3 people gave him "a look" when he stepped on their blanket or went to sit on a stool with one of their kids. It's downright cruel. I would never be mean to a child, just never.

Believe me, I understand Kathleen Turner's role in the movie Serial Mom.

Next time I won't be so nice.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Tickled Pinky - I Came in 2nd!

That is in the "Name the Cuff" contest at another New Friend in the Neighborhood's blog. By way of background, her name is PINKY. and she designs and crafts jewelry which is sold here in PINKY'S SHOP. So far so good says I. This honor is partly thanks to our dear techie friend,PAVEL (being perfectly clear), who not only does all the research for us on the latest gadgets we probably won't own, but steered us in the direction of said contest. Things were looking up.

Armed with freshly squeezed aggravation (from squabbling over the proper temp to suffocate a family of four), I headed over to see the cuff in question. I am a sucker for custom jewelry and did I like what I saw! I called it "Wavelength". Although it did not get the winning nod, it came in a close second (sort of like the Joe Lieberman of bangle naming). That second place entitles me to a nice little discount which left unused, would be tantamount to wadding up some bills and throwing them out the window of a speeding car I rationalize, uh reason. I have made several "dry runs" to decide what is worthy of my hard won discount and have it narrowed down to four or five lovely pieces. Do I have to choose?

In all seriousness, Pinky's shop called - Pinky's Shop, showcases her beautifully designed and handmade jewelry. Each special and unique. Now for specifics of that jewelry, I suggest you head on over and ahem, think of any birthdays coming up (first look at your calendar)or think of someone that you may wish to honor <hint hint> and take a browse.

I like both her unique designs and the idea of supporting a fellow blogger. Who knows, she may just have another jewelry piece to name...

Wish list provided upon request.

Monday, August 07, 2006

I'm 30!!!

Well actually that train came and left the station some time ago. No this is post #30. Nothing remarkable planned. In fact, just trying to write a little more about what I know not as I have not come inspired. Shall I post pictures of my habitat? Eventually, need to get my digital camera "things" that enable hook-up to the computer all set up. Tap tap tap.

Okay above was started a few days ago and so apparently inspiration or time have not been plentiful. And here I am smack in the middle of Sunday night. It seems that a force outside of me started this blog. No, not Pia or Doug although the way Pia was so matter of fact about it, sort of like "if you want to start one, let me know" just made it seem so - possible and I think Doug eventually threatened to just start one for me. With Pia's encouragement and Doug's threats, here it is - Simply Said.

Forewarned is fair armed so if you think this is going to be one of those fun posts, head on over to the sidebar and run without looking back to CENTRAL SNARK. or any other number of fun, or well-written hangouts where I bide my time. But for some reason I sit here alone in a quiet house while my kids slumber. And I'm not feeling peaceful as I should be in this moment. And I'm not feeling able to put down on paper why. And I'm wondering why people make marriage look so easy. And I'm wondering why when it's me and my children, we're so happy together. And I'm wondering why you should have to argue when it's 80 degrees outside at the use of central air conditioning. And I'm wondering why I have a headache. And I'm wondering why I'd like to actually pull a certain Mr. Scissors hair out of his head. And I'm wondering. Then I'm understanding why divorce is rampant. Then I understand why kids never quite get over it but never quite miss the bickering. Then I understand that petty arguments do more to unravel a kid's happiness. Then I understand. I know we will not be divorced, although I sometimes dream about that. I know that my children will feel happy in their home. I understand it will not always be easy. I wish my kids did not see me being so real sometimes. But I understand my doing so paves the way for their scary emotions to be allowed and talked about. Maybe that's why I blog, mine never were.

My mother said on one of our "Calls from the Road" referring to how it wasn't always easy growing up in a large family, maybe my sibling to whom she referred didn't feel heard - she says to me. I want to say yes, Ma, that's right - we didn't have enough attention. Wah. If it only were so simple. And why shatter her illussions that she puts her head upon each night. She's 81! She should live and be well.

And without having said anything, I've said something. Without baring my soul, I've uncovered a nerve. I know. I understand why John Lennon wrote that Woman is the Nigger of the World. And I wish that I didn't. And I still have a headache.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006


This is what Julian yells from atop his bed where he has dragged any pillow within dragging distance. To which I hear Tali go into little teacher mode and gently correct "Julian, it's let the games begin" as she brushes her hair getting ready for camp. Right. Julian continues "Let the games begins!" in his best by order of the decree of the king voice. And so starts another day in the Lampshade household. I love overhearing them in the morning as we all are in different stages of our daily routines.

Last night when I got home from work, Tali was working with her Hebrew tutor. Rachel is illustrating usage of a word and says "For instance, the king went to the store", to illustrate a Hebrew usage. To which Tali responded "That sounds funny". Rachel asks "Because a king doesn't shop for himself?". "Well" Tali said "maybe you should say that the king went to the Chinese Restaurant to get his fortune". Rachel asks "Fortune cookie?" Tali "no - fortune, get it?". I'm enjoying this but then begin to wonder what this all has to do with Hebrew verbs.

Going to bed tonight and I'm getting the kids ready for the wind down, which includes my escape to evening activities sans them. "These mosquitoes are killers this year" says I as I dab on more Calamine lotion. "What is an insect?" asks Julian. "It's a bug" says Tali. "No, I want Mommy to tell me". Mommy, (as played by me) dutifully replies "It's a bug". "A bee?" asks Julian. "Well a bee is a bug, but not all bugs are bees." says Mommy. "Enough of the bait and switch into bed you bug!" Looking to catch anothr train, he tries "Transylvanian Alligator" (a little character I made up). "Not tonight Julian, the Transylvanian alligator is in the bogs." "What's a bog?" asks Tali. And so ends another day in the Lampshade Household.

Do you know that a lady bug is indeed a beetle? Of course you did.