I'm 30!!!

Well actually that train came and left the station some time ago. No this is post #30. Nothing remarkable planned. In fact, just trying to write a little more about what I know not as I have not come inspired. Shall I post pictures of my habitat? Eventually, need to get my digital camera "things" that enable hook-up to the computer all set up. Tap tap tap.

Okay above was started a few days ago and so apparently inspiration or time have not been plentiful. And here I am smack in the middle of Sunday night. It seems that a force outside of me started this blog. No, not Pia or Doug although the way Pia was so matter of fact about it, sort of like "if you want to start one, let me know" just made it seem so - possible and I think Doug eventually threatened to just start one for me. With Pia's encouragement and Doug's threats, here it is - Simply Said.

Forewarned is fair armed so if you think this is going to be one of those fun posts, head on over to the sidebar and run without looking back to CENTRAL SNARK. or any other number of fun, or well-written hangouts where I bide my time. But for some reason I sit here alone in a quiet house while my kids slumber. And I'm not feeling peaceful as I should be in this moment. And I'm not feeling able to put down on paper why. And I'm wondering why people make marriage look so easy. And I'm wondering why when it's me and my children, we're so happy together. And I'm wondering why you should have to argue when it's 80 degrees outside at the use of central air conditioning. And I'm wondering why I have a headache. And I'm wondering why I'd like to actually pull a certain Mr. Scissors hair out of his head. And I'm wondering. Then I'm understanding why divorce is rampant. Then I understand why kids never quite get over it but never quite miss the bickering. Then I understand that petty arguments do more to unravel a kid's happiness. Then I understand. I know we will not be divorced, although I sometimes dream about that. I know that my children will feel happy in their home. I understand it will not always be easy. I wish my kids did not see me being so real sometimes. But I understand my doing so paves the way for their scary emotions to be allowed and talked about. Maybe that's why I blog, mine never were.

My mother said on one of our "Calls from the Road" referring to how it wasn't always easy growing up in a large family, maybe my sibling to whom she referred didn't feel heard - she says to me. I want to say yes, Ma, that's right - we didn't have enough attention. Wah. If it only were so simple. And why shatter her illussions that she puts her head upon each night. She's 81! She should live and be well.

And without having said anything, I've said something. Without baring my soul, I've uncovered a nerve. I know. I understand why John Lennon wrote that Woman is the Nigger of the World. And I wish that I didn't. And I still have a headache.