GIMME A BREAK

Well, okay.

And just like that - I will be on vacation until sometime after Labor Day (the American holiday that signifies the end of summer). Tomorrow is my last day of work!

On Thursday, I will take the kids to one of the towns on the Jersey Shore to give them a slice of Mommy history. Actually, I always felt cheated that we went to beaches without boardwalks when I was younger. The one we will visit has a boardwalk and the kids can get the flavor of a day at the beach mixed with pizza, cotton candy and games of chance. Oh and throw in an amusement ride or two.

I think I'm more excited than them! It will be just a day trip. The beach is quite nice there, but it's the kitsch factor that is really drawing me to visit.

We'll then head out for our annual end of summer pilgrimage to Montauk which is fast becoming a fine family tradition a couple of days later.

I'll probably be on a blog-light schedule but I will try to get around and catch up with my faves who I've missed a bit of late.

I did visit my Mom this past weekend at my brother's house. She is recuperating quite well. I did talk her out of invading Iran. Her face has healed amazingly well and her arm is coming along nicely. I was teasing her that I was going to take a picture for my blog. "You're not putting me on your blog!" Sorry Mom, too late for that. But alright, no incriminating pictures.

Enjoy the rest of your summer.

Telephone

You know getting information funneled down in a large family can sometimes prove to be very much like a game of telephone.

But firstly - thank you all for your caring words regarding my Mom. She is in the hospital and so far nothing specific is showing up in the tests (MRI/catSCAN, etc.). She is having a stress test tomorrow and all things being equal (to what, I'm not sure), she'll be going home by Thursday. She has a hairline fracture in her forearm and of course, contusions on her face and near her eye. Answers as to why this happened may not be evident.

The truth is - this is one tough woman. When she blacked out, she fell down with the impact of a boxer being knocked out and got herself up. My brother and I joked that raising ten children can do that to you. She actually never went to the hospital at that juncture because apparently in Anytown USA, volunteer ambulance corps come and check you out and leave that option up to the patient. The patient in this case is 82 and has just passed out and looks like she has gone twelve rounds with Mike Tyson. My mother being stubborn as she is, called her sister to take her home instead. My sister was then called who took my mom to the hospital where she is undergoing the various tests.

By the time this information gets to me (#7) in the hyperbolic family game of telephone, she has jumped from an airlifted ambulance as she refused treatment, taking a doctor hostage in the process. Still home for a cup of tea though.

My family has a slightly warped sense of humor, but thankfully my mother can still appreciate our odd takes on life such as they are.

It's hard living far away (and having small children) as I can't just drop and run. But I will see her this weekend and she will be staying at my brother and SIL's house as she recuperates.

So thanks for your good wishes. I'll keep you posted when she invades Iran.

On parents aging and such...

I sit here alternately staring at the screen and then hopping links to other blogs. I have been so erratic about posting of late - both in timing and topic. I think back and recall there were a few pretty good posts - just about life, some pretty funny as I remember them, some not so funny.

I wasn't going to blog about this because sometimes Reality Avoidance Therapy works best for me. I'll deal with it, but in my own quiet terms. The topic today - Parents Aging.

As some of you know, I come from a large Irish Catholic family before I jumped ship to Judaism about 12 years ago. I am the seventh of ten children. My father passed away in 1989 and my mother has since lived on her own more or less (wayward sons and divorces disturbing the relative calm of what's on sale at Shop Rite).

Tonight my sister R called to tell me that my Mom had a "spell" in church this morning and went outside whereby she must have blacked out and fallen. A priest came to her aid and she was taken to a hospital whereby they treated her physical wounds and released her! Her face is badly cut and bruised and swollen which just makes me cry. This is a woman who has barely a wrinkle thanks to good genes and Oil of Olay applied religiously. That just makes me cry - her soft skin being bruised up in such a violent way.

Anyway, the big guns were called in (which is my sister Susan) and she came over and brought my mom to a hospital proper where she is indeed being held overnight for observation and some tests (CAT scans, etc) will be performed.

My mother does not live right around the corner so I cannot just hop into the car and run to the hospital. I will go tomorrow or Tuesday based upon what we find out tomorrow. I feel sad for my Mom as I see the signs of aging taking their toll. Her hearing has gotten worse and for various reasons, she has refused a hearing aide. She probably should not still be driving but she said only half jokingly when I mentioned something to her a year or so ago "they'll never take me alive!" This, as we imagined a scenario of her home being surrounded by police requesting her license over a bullhorn, which she wouldn't hear as she turned the television ever louder behind the barricaded front door.

I look forward to her quick healing and me being able to joke with her that I told her no good can come of her hanging out in church so often. We'll have a good laugh of which she'll only hear half. And we'll have a cup of tea.

Just like old times.

Absence of Malace

The last thing I remember hearing, in addition to the flight departures in the background, was "$6 please. That's $6 m'am." I must have extended my hand and paid as the yellow gate bounced up and I drove through. But what happened next was unbelievable yet expected - my car slowly but surely made the steady climb skyward as Tali waved to the people on the Airtrain.

It all seemed so matter of fact. We'd wished for such a vehicle on many an occassion when 20 extra minutes would have been welcomed, but this was really happening. We landed in time to watch some reruns of The Simpsons that Tali has been taping. Yes that's how I used my time that was given me - like magic! We zipped through the commercials and then I didn't feel too well.

So it seems my squandering of the gift of time made my stomach turn sour and for the past two days I've stayed home from work. Although I wasn't DEATHLY ill - a sick instance is a sick instance as I always joked with my mother (and did today as a matter of fact). One day - phoney; three days - doctor's note; two days - just riiight.

Today was the best because I just decided to actually rest a bit as I had caught a glimpse of myself and I didn't look well quite frankly - dark circles under eyes/skin pale. I took an extra glimpse in the mirror to see how I could recreate this look for the office tomorrow. I clicked on the television and caught the last hour of High Anxiety which warmed me right up into 70's mode for Paul Newman in Slap Shot which was next. Can a day get wasted any better? Jaws wasn't on. I taped One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest for future viewing. Urged onward (or backward as the case may be), I downloaded some 70's radio gems from iTunes - Magnet and Steel (not the original version which has me pissed), Right Back Where We Started From, and Car Wash. Come on now - line dance!

I think I have sort of been coming down with this mystery malady and have felt even more underwhelmed of late. Pardon me if I haven't made my way about for a visit - nobody likes entertaining somebody who looks like the Corpse Bride. Well maybe you do.
I'll be around soon so don't forget me and leave a light on - never mind, I've got one on my head.

Stay tuned for answers to the hotly burning issues raised by my crafty post last week (this means you FirstNations)! Glue guns - hot or not? I was going to put some links up here, but I have these shows taped and I uh - what part about feeling blah don't you understand?!

Good night loves - actually I think I'll go read myself to sleep.


"I don't know what it is - I've gotta give in.
High Anxiety - xiety - You wiiin!"

That was some party!

Diesel's book release party that is. Time to get on with life here at Simply Said. You did go buy his book, right?

It's hard to keep up with blogging. Life takes over and sometimes lack of motivation trumps all. Not that I'm not motivated - just not with the written word. My zodiac symbol is a crab and sometimes I like to withdraw into my shell and so I do things like this:










or this:
I am so inspired by beauty in the form of art and interiors (and exteriors) and design. I get a couple/three (love that old saying) magazines along those lines. I have been pulling out sheets in which something catches my eye. In reading some of the design blogs on my blogroll, one or two in particular talk about creating your own "Inspiration Books" and so I started my own. It's crazy, but I spent a good part of the afternoon hours Saturday doing this as Tali designed something with her "Ello" toys nearby. Julian was at Grandma's and Scissors ~ where the heck was he? Hmmmm. Anyway, I find it soothing beyond belief.

So that's my idea of fun. What's yours?

I love this little picture showing Julian's chivalrous side as he insisted on carrying Tali's book for her into violin class this evening. Did I mention we had Julian with us because Scissor's car broke down and I had to swoop down, rescue Julian, toss Scissors my charged cell phone for him to call a tow and off to pick up Tali from camp to deliver her to violin. All done in time somehow.


Good night Irene!

ANTISOCIAL COMMENTARY RELEASE PARTY!!!

TODAY'S THE DAY!

I've called you here for an important dispatch. One so important that I thought a PressConference necessary.

You've been waiting for it without even knowing what you've been waiting for.

Diesel of Mattress Police and founder of Humor-blogs.com is publishing a book! A funny book. A witty book. A well written book. If I seem rehearsed, I'm just trying to remember what he told us to say about it. Yes, of course he told us what to say - the guy is a control freak. He has allowed for our varying levels of endorsement of his witty tomb and has even gone so far as to recommend possible posts:

"Diesel, the twisted genius behind the humor blog, MattressPolice.com, has announced the publication date for his first book! Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police, is a hilarious excursion through the mind of Diesel"
Twisted genius - I'll say. Who else but a twisted genius makes a tree house for his kids with a front door that opens to a 20 foot drop? Twisted genius indeed.

"You may be wondering how in hell a hack like “Diesel” gets published. Simple. The same way every other hack gets published these days: He self-published the book through Lulu.com. You know, the place that ranks just below Kinko’s as a reputable publisher?" Why the thought did cross my mind, but it all makes perfect sense now.

Okay, all of the above is meaningless, here's what's important:

BOOK TITLE: Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police.

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: compilation of some of his best posts, plus some original material.

The book is going to be published on 8/15, but he'll start taking “pre-orders” at MATTRESS.POLICE.COM today, 7/26. It will retail for $11.95 + S&H, but you'll be able to pre-order a signed copy for $9.95 with free shipping.

Mostly you should buy it to help pay for the mounting medical bills associated with casting his poor kid's arm from falling out of the aforementioned treehouse.

No really - you should buy it for the same reasons I plan to:

- Help support a fellow blogger bud.
- The guy really is funny and writes well.
- You can use it to even out a lopsided table (his suggestion).
- It's a summer read - you won't even have to think while you read it. Actually that's not true, but if I know Diesel, he'll be happy to do that for you too.
- Two lattes would set you back ten bucks. Diesel is like a jolt of caffeine on a quiet day, so you won't even need to drink coffee as you read his book.


Okay, the real truth is that Diesel did not pay us to do these posts, he doesn't have to. He's a mensch, and makes you want to support his efforts. His success would be our success as we'd be that happy for him. The best is that he is most certainly not a hack - he writes well, with humor, sarcasm and wit - all from his own funny (albeit twisted) view of life.

So head on over and read up more at his place. Go on, nothing to see here folks. Move along.

A Tale of Summer Boredom

Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World" played on the little transistor radio on Marnie's blanket in the yard where she sat out under the tree, painting her toenails and wondering about summer friendships. Marnie always felt that somehow her summers never quite amounted to much. The truth is in this small town, whose did? But that was Marnie's problem, she dreamed of being away from this small town, if only for a week, a month - imagine for a whole summer!

She read books in which children went to camp, learned how to ride horses, solved mysteries, even kissed boys (that she could do in this crummy town, she thought somewhat repulsively). At thirteen, she knew of girls who did just that, they were fast becoming pretty popular. Not Marnie, she was somewhere stuck between tomboy and wanting to feel a bit more girly - not too much though. Toenail polish was as far as she ventured. She found those kind of girls to be just stupid.

Sure her parents took her and her three brothers to their uncle's little cabin near Lake Silverfoot for a long weekend each summer. Once they'd even gone for a whole week! But it just smelled moldy and made Marnie feel a bit sad, even though she had fun playing in the lake with her brothers. She even made a friend or two to play with. Once there was a boy named Claude who she was playing with and remembered saying that her favorite color was brown because his was. That was two summers ago. Oh how her brothers had made fun of her for that one, she still remembered.

She continued to paint her toenails as Jobie peeked through a space between fence planks. She ignored him as she mostly did when she wanted to be alone with her thoughts. "Wanna go bike riding Marnie?"

"Not now Jobie. Maybe later" she answered without looking up, humming along to the radio.

"Roller skate?"

"I'm waiting for the 4:30 Movie to start - it's Gidget week. Maybe after supper." Marnie offered.

Jobie gladly accepted "I'll call for you later Marnie!" and with that ran to go find some of the boys to scare up a game of wiffle ball. He didn't have far to go to succeed.

Another summer of Jobie and bike riding over the bridge passed the commercial waterfront along the river and back. Could be worse, Marnie tried to convince herself unsuccessfully.

She went inside and put on Channel 7 just in time for the music to kick up and Gidget Goes Hawaiian to roll.

"Someday, I'm going to surf there" thought Marnie as she settled into her favorite movie viewing perch with her legs hanging over the overstuffed armchair. Never mind that she had barely tipped her toes in an ocean. Marnie's dreams were already intertwined with the movie.

She smiled inwardly as MoonDoggie and Gidget did the Twist on the beach.

Dis Organization Part II

Another area where it can become frustrating trying to fit the "yes I am a together and organized person" profile is navigating the password Yellow Brick Road to gain entrance to the paperless Emerald City that awaits us online.

I only have about ten such for different applications at work. I've tried to start keeping everything the same, but it doesn't always work out that way as there are also different log-in names. For instance, first initial/last name; last name/first initial; caps/no caps; space/nospace; must have 2 numbers, 1 character and one animal reference. That's not including personal life passwords for various bill paying, blogging, flickr, etc.

Today I attempted to log in to one such place. Sorry, this does not match. Okay try another combo - nope. Shall we ask your secret question? Sure.

Place where you met your husband? Simple - NY Rangers hockey game. Wrong.

Okay, more general - NYC. Nope.

Madison Square Garden! Nope.

The backseat of a car? Hah, just kidding.

I am sorry to report that as a result of this run-in, I now have no idea where I met my husband, although he seems convinced of the above so now I'm not sure if he is, in fact, my husband.

Then to add insult to injury, when they finally degrade you enough by the smarmy "Forgot your password? Just enter your email" No record. I just know there is a tech person sitting back popping nachos into his mouth saying "What's up, you again? Write it down, biatch!" The truth is that I truly have a great memory, but it seems to fail me with so many options out there. I mean if I only log in sporadically, the chances of log-in success dwindle accordingly.

Once you try to gain the next rung of the recoup the password ladder, the inevitable, "Enter code letters as they appear below" subdues you into thinking your sign-on is imminent. Imminent if you had dropped acid and are looking through a funhouse mirror as that is the mental state you'd need to be in to decipher the code. The DaVinci Code may have been easier to solve (actually that whole book was one predictable pile of..., but I digress). The caps are actually small, the small are numbers and the numbers are that reference to an animal that I mentioned earlier.

I know we are supposed to be moving towards a paperless society but until such time that we just place our eye up to the screen and gain access, I will be a slave to the password scrawled on paper somewhere. And it will get changed and it won't be written down...you follow.

Now can somebody please tell me where I met my husband?

A Ball of Twine

That's sort of how I've been feeling of late - a big ball of twine. A ball of twine which has a giant cat batting me around, in fact.

The balled up feeling is my emotions which can, you know, get the better of me at times. Although you'd never know it from the outside (unless you live with me of course). The good news is that I was home today and got to catch up on some much needed paper sorting/pocketbook cleaning (where does it all come from, I ask!) and generally trying to get my house in order. Considering the cleaning woman was here yesterday, shouldn't be too hard, right?

Ah, the cleaning woman, yes. The one who left a note addressed to my husband (as he basically works from home and is there to let her in) "Scissors, la puerta es mal." Well yes, if you consider coming unhinged mal, then yes indeed it was. She of the slippery fingers cleaning school. Not slippery as in stealing - G-d forbid, but breaking which may or may not be worse. But really, if I don't have (and have often been without) a cleaning person, life gets really out of whack! As although Scissors works from home and handles cooking - cleaning is an elusive sort of category to him. He's not a slob, but then again, he's not exactly neat.

The truth is that I am a bit of a dichotomy. I am a neat person and like everything to be in place and my home to be comfortable, yet I'm disorganized and still working on the perfect filing system and thus spend time that I could be...well, blogging, looking for a certain paper. It's maddening to say the least. The truth is that I hired a professional organizer several years back who started me off. She was also a decorator and so we got into painting and decorating and well, I did get rid of a lot. But once I'm off the beaten path, it's hard getting back on. And we never got back to my filing system! Damn her (or really me for never picking back up where we left off).

All this is to say, time to get away for the weekend and just unwind (that ball of twine again).

Hope you all have a good weekend and the sun shines upon you wherever you are.

ANALYSIS = PARALYSIS

Women in Art

You know, I just thought it would be fun to pass along some of the inspiration that comes to my eye on any given day. I'm a giver. So take a look:



I found the inpiration while being inspired at Creative Swoon.

Enjoy!

Rabbit Rabbit

RABBIT RABBIT AND GOOD LUCK IN JULY!



I was just thinking that it couldn't hurt to kick off my birthday month with a little luck!



Above print from an art site called LITTLE PAPER PLANES

If I said you had a beautiful blog...

...would you hold it against me?


That's just me being plain silly (the damn P key is stuck on my laptop now so it takes about three strikes to get it). I haven't been _osting much lately and it's not so much that I have nothing to say (one might argue blogging is one big "nothing to say" fest) but lack the time in which to say it. Perhaps motivation has been fairly used up by the evening when the opportunity might just present itself. That's of course, discounting the days when I fall asleep mid-story on one child or another's bed.

Today was the first day of camp. I drove Tali and Julian and Scissors met us there as I continued on to work from there. This morning as we were all in various stages of dress and readiness, Julian was walking around in his underwear and swim goggles. He seemed rather pleased with himself but then came to me and said "the kids are going to make fun of me."

I said "Of course they're not, you're friendly, I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends." I gave him a big hug and he quickly forgot that train of thought. Fast forward to Julian's introduction to the new small group and the little boy who shall hereinafter be referred to as "Pipsqueak" saying "Julian, that's a girl's name!" Julian first bellied up to the offender and said "It is not!" and turned to me and said "see, I told you they were going to make fun of me." This funk lasted for all of two minutes before they were gathering to leave and Scissors met him at his first activity in which he was having a wonderful time.

Of course, it stayed with me the whole day. How would Julian do? Would he be able to manage the changes throughout the day? Would he eat his lunch? Would he go to the bathroom under a new schedule? Would someone be watching him at the pool? Would the thunderstorms hit and he be scared? Would he cry as easily as I might if I gave into it? The answer to all of above were just as you'd expect.

He did fine and I held back the tears...until now.

5 Meme

I'm in a genuine slump. I'm averaging one post per week (well not counting my Saturday Spins). Forget about making it around to my favorite places. That's the down side. The up side is that today is the first day of summer and hope springs eternal. Living is just a little easier (or so the song goes).

During one of my visits to a favorite place in the blogs, Stuffed Animal Planet (the former ex-Pansi Files which was f/k/a the Pansi Files), I noticed that I had been tagged for this 5 Meme that's going around not unlike the bedbug plague that I understand is taking Manhattan - ewwwwww. Perhaps Mrs. Weirsdo felt guilty as I was not nominated by her as a blog that made her think. However, she does not seem to be a person motivated by guilt so I think that shoots a hole in that theory. As I recall the instructions were to remove the top blog and place yours (meaning mine) at the bottom. Would the idea be to visit some new spots? I guess that would be an objective. In turn, I should tag five people which well, I'm just not a tagger. But if you would like to do this and let me know that you have, I'd even maybe mail you a tchotchke. Time to clean out some things anyway.

1) Bipolar Notes From Underground (off meds)
2) This Side Of Reason
3) Full Moon Rising
4) Stuffed Animal Tales
5) Simply Said

Next: select five people to tag. Oops, covered that above. I basically cut and pasted from Weirsdo's post. "Be sure to try and make them feel really guilty if they don't want to play!" That last part was Mrs. Weirsdo's. Come on all you people that I haven't tagged but YOU know who you are! I said that I'd send you a tchotchke.

What were you doing ten years ago?

Let's see - ten years ago I was busy being pregnant with my daughter Tali and hiking in some gorge in Vermont with Scissors. No I was not barefoot. Well not as we hiked anyway. I recall we stayed at the lovely Quiche Bed & Breakfast in Vermont whereby they advised upon checkout that they'd be happy to have us back - alone or when our child was 12. Having Julian, I understand their request.

I was still a desk jockey with the same company/different location. Somehow the group I worked with just made it all the more bearable...or the complaining eventually became a harmonious chorus. We even had a sit-in for one of our coworkers who was going to be transferred (not of his own volition) whereby we sang "all we are saying is give Steve a chance." Proud to say I orchestrated that one. Steve was transferred just the same.


What were you doing one year ago?

Did a year pass by already? I'm sitting in the same spot - maybe I've been sleeping or blogging. Pass that bong. Just kidding! I did just start my blog a little over one year ago. I was crying at Julian's graduation from his preschool. I think I might have been having lunch and meeting my NBFF for the very first time. Ah, a heady year it's been.


Five snacks you enjoy:

1) My mother-in-law's honey cake with a cup of green tea
2) chocolate anything
3) Twizzlers or the even lower rent - NIBS
3) a scoop of ice cream (was that my subconscious - I gave myself two 3's)
5)(no sneaking in an extra). Only because I thought of these for some odd reason on my drive home tonight and have not had one in a good 30 years - Hostess Butterscotch Krimpets. Ooh the memory of its pre-fab goodness has me smiling.


Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

Sitting here, I can barely think of one, yet start any song on the radio and I pretty much can sing along. Does that count? I've been mulling this meme and in the shower this am, I sang:

1) Don't Leave Me Hanging on the Telephone by Blondie (Parallel Lines is one great album - note to self: dig that out)
2) then driving in my car with no radio on, I sang - Sam Stone by John Prine to see if I knew all the lyrics. I did.
3) Thunder Road by Bruce Springsteen (I was singing along with the radio and of course, the windows were down and the volume was up).
4) Cecilia by Simon & Garfunkel (my little theatre troupe consisting of myself, my sister Roni and our 4 neighborhood girlfriends performed this one when we put on a variety show in The O'Neill's backyard. We couldn't have been even ten years old. If memory serves me well, I believe the crowd grew hostile and demands were made for refunds. We tried to mollify them by throwing boxes of Good and Plenty candy into the crowd (I know that jingle by heart..."Once upon a time there was an engineer...").
5) This is your spot - leave a song in the comments and let's see if you can stump me.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
"What's all this subjunctive "were" business? I plan to be a millionaire one day!" Could not agree more Weirsdo, although aside from playing Lotto once a year, I'm not sure what I am doing to advance the cause.

Just the same, a girl can dream:

1) hand in el resignation!!! and begin to really explore what makes me happy.
2) fix up the house (or sell it)
2) travel
3) Help family out and support favorite charities (this could of course be seen as the same thing - I'll speak to my accountant).
4) make sure kids are in proper schools/programs/doing something they love
5) Get Scissors season soccer tickets...at Wembley Stadium!

Look at that in proofing I see I've snuck in another #2. Ah well, I'm a millionaire now, I can do that.

Five bad habits:

1) laziness
2) procrastination
3) fidgeting
4) staying up late
5) losing my temper (I should have put that first, but I was procrastinating.)

This could be my list - it's Mrs. Weirsdo's. I cut and pasted to make answering easier. Although for #1, I wouldn't say lazy but perhaps, motivationally challenged. #3 - I'm not a fidgeter, in fact you could replace fidget with sloth. #5 - thanks to the wonderful world of meds - I'm no longer a temper loser. So I'll see Weirsdo's #5 and throw in - using curse words or cussing or swearing or whatever you would like to call it. Not a lot, but it could be construed as a habit. This could also be construed as losing one's temper I realize. Note to self: speak to doctor about meds.

Five things you like doing:

1) reading
2) hanging out with my kids/especially family day Sundays
3) appreciating pretty things/design/collecting pictures of same as inspiration, for instance:

















4) blogging/writing (had to combine the two) It seems I write so little of late. I'll try to do better - for myself at least.
5) trolling through flea markets, craft fairs, art shows.

So that's the meme as I recall it. Please do one and let me know when you have. Remember those tchotchkes! And remember to come visit me in Central Snark over the weekend where we let the music spin.

Shabbat Shalom and have a great weekend all! And if you're in NYC, drop by The World Financial Center and look for a gaggle of bloggers dining by the waterside. Take my advice - keep walking.

The White Shirt...and Chest Pains

On my way home the other evening, I decided to take a little shopping detour. Scissors called me to say, "I'm not feeling that well".

"I'll come home then." I said only half irritated as I thought "some people will do anything to stop me from shopping."

"No just don't be long."

"Okay then - be home soon."

As I fumbled the cotton of the white shirts (because you can never have too many white shirts and I seem to not have any) in Banana Republic, my cell phone rings. "I'm having a chest pain." Scissors tells me.

"A chest pain!" fumble fabric, "I'm coming home now." May G-d forgive me that I had the presence of mind to make a couple of mental notes for future reference on my way out the door.

I rush home in the car and swing the household into Battle Station Butterfly Emergency Mode. First call Scissors' doctor's office who says that I need to take him to the hospital ER. We're all pretty level headed for an emergency except for Scissors who insists that I shouldn't call the doctor, he'll be fine. Tell him to get dressed. Tali instructs me to go into the other room when I call Grandma so as not to get Julian upset. Julian hears me mentioning the doctor and comes in to tell me "I hate to see Daddy in pain." Sweet child. I assure him Daddy's okay but we have to take him to make sure everything is alright. We drop the kids at Grandma's and head on the road but not before Grandma asks if I've eaten.

We get to the hospital and the emergency room is pretty full but not terrible. Finally Scissors gets called in and has blood drawn and an EKG done. The EKG is normal and we have to wait for the bloodwork. He's wheeled to the back and wait we do. His pain is not strong and is more of a dull ache at this point, yet he rates it a 6 when the nurse asks. I tell him that's why women have babies because he most certainly is overstating his pain index.

Besides the poor old people who have been given a break from their nursing home setting to have a little vacation in the hospital, you have your various and sundry ER characters. First up - the patient released from the hospital after surgery, in for more pain killers yelling "Nurse! Doctor! Nurse!! Nobody gives a F*&$!". Next we have the dapper drunk who we first thought was a doctor until he fell into Patient Number One's bed. Apparently he has missed a flight to LA having gotten tanked in the airport and instead will wake up in a Queens ER. He is being pumped with coffee and accusing everyone of taking something that he has most certainly lost (or been alleviated of) in his drunken stupor. We then have a man of I'd say Afghani decent perhaps who is becoming hysterical because his brother went out to get something to eat. When the brother returns he begs of the doctor to take good care of his brother. The doctor asks if they have insurance. That seemed a bit callous to me. The answer, in short, was no. The doctor said he'd be back. Um hmmm.

Scissors and I were taking this all in from his bed - him lying down, me sitting on the end - as if it were a new comedy series. We needed to pass the time somehow. Long story short, he was not having or did not have a heart attack, but still not sure what caused the pain.

I went out to call home and let Grandma and the kids know that Daddy's okay just being held for tests. I go back in and drop in the Bathroom. As I am in the stall the phone rings and Tali is calling asking if we're coming home soon. I walk out of stall to wash hands and tell her we'll be home soon when a man walks out of one of the other stalls. I laugh and say "Am I in the Men's Room?!" and he laughs and says "I'm not sure, I think I may be in the Women's Room. I said uh oh when I heard you on the phone." We both laughed, and washed our hands.

Back in the ER, we finally get all the tests back which are all good. We leave with no real knowledge of what caused the chest pains but with a few laughs and an ER bill. Scissors saw a cardiologist the next day and will be having a stress test next week. So we'll see what it is and go from there. Hopefully nothing and just as I told Julian "maybe Daddy ate too much and he has heartburn."

On the way home I said "you really didn't think I needed that white shirt, huh?"

"Very funny G, take me home."

And home we went.

Asleep at the Wheel

I was sitting at my desk shuffling papers so as to put them in the right priority of what to put off first when Narnia alighted my doorway and just launched into a conversation as if we had been talking all along. She talks in this incredulous tone as if she's giving you the most amazing news. It might be a cultural thing - she's originally from the Philippines.

"My son picked me up last night and right between exits 51 and 52, a man just decided to go to sleep right there." her voice building to a crescendo. "Probably he just wanted us to go around him, my son laughed".

"Let me understand this correctly" I say, "the man was sitting in traffic?"

"No!" exclaims Narnia "he was just sitting there in the middle lane asleep."

"With no cars in front of him?" I venture.

"No, just sitting there so everyone had to go around him. We were in the HOV lane" she explains helpfully.

"From my way of thinking, why would the man decide he's too tired to drive and just stop and go to sleep right in the middle lane of a highway? Wouldn't he just have gone to the shoulder of the road?" I ask.

"Yeah, that's true!" Narnia cries.

"I mean what if the guy was dead?" I ask trying to hide my growing irritation.

"That's true, I hope he got home okay" she says.

"Me too." I offer.

Bad Moon on the Rise

I'm so preoccupied with getting Julian's summer camp situation resolved right now that my concentration level is flailing (starting off with the attention span of a gnat is not helpful). I've begun four different posts and they all went nowhere fast. I think that may be lucky for you. I'm in the zoned out pre-zone in which I can do nothing but look obsessively at design blogs. I am sure that will really help resolve the issue. In fact, I'm certain. In fact, perhaps Julian should stay home with Grandma and make pin cushions and throw pillows for the summer.

For those of you who are fairly new in these parts, Julian is my son who is five years old. He has some developmental delays which sometimes make life difficult for him, sometimes funny - but always interesting. The good news is that his difficulties are not such that they would warrant him to be in a separate Special Education year round program. This is unfortunately also the bad news because as such, he is not eligible for certain services that he receives during the course of the 10 month school year.

I won't bore you with administrative details but we would love for Julian to be able to participate in summer camp. We are having a difficult time finding the right fit. He probably will not be able to go to the same camp (as we had hoped) with his sister because the Board of Ed will not provide the needed assistant to shadow Julian (as he has in his school setting).

But we continue to seek solutions and try to provide what is best for Julian. Sometimes I feel as if I'm in one of those bad dreams where you're trying to run, but can't seem to get anywhere.

Speaking of running, Julian just won his little running race in his Class Olympics last week. It was a shining Chariots of Fire moment for sure.

I'll be round to catch up on all my favorite blogs (that's right, yours), once I can get an indicator of what direction we're even going. I hope that's soon. You may find me making pin cushions with Grandma. I really wish that I could sew, so that's a good start.

Sophisticated and Funny

Today was sort of a day of trying to finally slam the lid shut on the winter clothes/summer clothes switchover. Don't think we'll be requiring wool for a few months.

At some point, it was just Tali and I home. I was in my bedroom sorting through some things and Tali kept popping in for mini discussions. One started "it's funny in an interesting way how some religions pray to a statue." which segued into "it's sort of like I believe in the Tooth Fairy. Not everyone believes in one, but I do. I mean who else could write in that little tiny curly manner that she does? And when my tooth suddenly falls out, how could you run out and get something and get it under my pillow without me waking?" I pointed out that she is indeed a heavy sleeper but she wasn't buying. "Plus my tooth fairy looks like me". This last bit because Tali did indeed ask her Tooth Fairy to draw a picture of herself. The Tooth Fairy instead directed her to four pages from the back of one of her fairy books and there she was in all her little glory. "Did you believe in the Tooth Fairy?" she asked.

"I did indeed" I replied. "still do". She smiled a satisfied smile.

"You're a good Mom in two ways - you're sophisticated and funny". she concluded.

"Why thank you. You're sophisticated and funny too." I said.

"I'm too young to be sophisticated" she replied.

"Well okay - a callous sophisticate in training" I offered.

She laughed.

The rest of the day was fraught with some tensions, but the fact that I ended up sophisticated and funny in my daughter's eyes, well I guess it wasn't a total loss.

"Here's to better days" said the callous sophisticate.

URGENT UPDATE: Tali has informed me that she said funny yet sophisticated which slightly alters my whole post. Carry on.

Guess What?

One year ago TODAY I started this here little blog.

145 posts later (yeah, yeah - big whup), I'm still plucking away. My laptop is showing signs of wear - the "X" key has popped off and the little mouse area (whatever that's called on a laptop) has the silver color rubbed off. I guess I am putting it to use, we'll not entertain arguments at this juncture whether such use is good.

Now not that I'm the world's biggest rap fan, but I seem to have a couple of songs that I happen to know, from where is not important. They are catchy, I must say. Sometimes, they make the soundtrack to my day. As I drove to work this morning I had what I think was Lil Kim's song in my head "Brooklyn style that's how we do it, real gangstas that ain't got to prove it." Yeah, that's me - a gangsta driving along in my Camry. Oy vay.

Then at work, I sent Narnia the hapless assistant an email before I left last night asking for certain information to be obtained. I opened the email this morning and her response was there in which she happily and efficiently replied "we didn't receive it". Well no we did not, that's what I was sort of asking you to get. Then a song by JayZ came into my head "I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one."

The day rounded off with my realizing it was one year ago that I started my humble little blog and what pops into my head - Eminem - this one I'll play for you.



Now before everyone gets up in arms, let's roll the disclaimer "the lyrics quoted in this post and video are not that of the blog author (well duh, I already told you who they were by) and the blog author in no way condones the misogynist materialistic plain fresh way these rappers speak". But you know what? Every era has its own rebellion and this is the current one. If I take such offense now, how will I ever infiltrate when my own children come of age?

"Cause it feels so empty without me..."

Running with Marigolds

We live in the city in attached homes. So far it's worked out fine. We don't speak to the neighbor husband on one side, but his wife is lovely in the "I'm married to a neanderthal but don't hold it against me" sort of way.

Anyway, Scissors mentions that someone has abandoned a pup by tying it to another neighbor's front door. So Julian and I go off to investigate. Since Julian has had a bath and his hair is still a bit damp I tell him to put a hat on. He goes and puts on a winter hat. Somehow it looks perfect with his little slippers and jammies. We go down a few houses to our neighbors and meet Amanda outside with the stray dog. He's a bit hyper and Julian runs home and brings back a marigold that he has brought home from school to show to him. He also brings a coloring book. I am quite happy about Julian's taking to coloring books as he's sort of avoided them up to this point in time. It smacks too much of work this whole grasping a crayon thing so the fact that he is asking me to color with him is a major milestone in my eyes! We color away - bears are purple and orange and pink and yellow (but I gave mine a gray suit to offset - worked quite nicely). And mostly I love that Julian has brought the flower to show the dog.

Julian then wants to take a little walk so I acquiesce and before you know it, we're racing and I'm holding the marigold and the coloring book, panting after him. Skinny little guy can move!

Get home and get him into bed and Tali is finishing her homework. I let her see the video that I featured in Central Snark this weekend by Balkan Beat Box. Here we go - "Why is that man not wearing a shirt?" she asks.

"He's a performer - they're a little less modest". I reply.

Now I see the woman in the tight white dress swilling beer from a bottle, which Tali zones in on but laughingly makes a comment about. I reply "At least I've only robbed you of half your childhood showing you half naked men and beer swilling women".

"Mommy, you crack me up" she replied.

So there's that.

Anyway, tonight begins the Jewish holiday of Shavuot and woohoo, I was here last year because I posted this joke last Shavuot:

Moses comes down from the mountain after receiving the Torah and says to the children of Israel:

"The good news is I got him down to ten. The bad news - adultery is still in". Badum bum.

Chag Sameach!