Monday, November 20, 2006


This is a sad tale - a tale of a misplaced robot. She is struggling to find her place in this world. She doesn't know where that place is, she just knows it is not in this seat at this desk.

She sits at her office desk and answers in her head to her coworkers' queries. The answers are never printable in a family blog. What comes out of her mouth sounds intelligible enough and satisfies the office drones. They leave her office door. Sometimes she gives them the her head and says "now bugger off", which makes her smile. They think the robot is pleasant. Sometimes she gets up, does a deep breath and stretches and looks out her window. And dreams of going out to the car and driving to her real job which will not suppress her creative spirit.

In this new job, the robot knows she will showcase her real talents not some programmed ones that she has been trained to perform. She is a robot though and realizes we are all programmed in some way.

So while she is at her desk and writes and visits on human friends' blogs, she on some robotic fundamental level feels bad that she is doing so. After all, she should not be doing this on company time as this is not what she is paid to do. She is such a contradiction this robot. She rationalizes that it sparks her creativity and thus makes her own job more productive. Some of the humans read and leave words on the robot's blog.

She wonders if they suspect that she is really a robot. She doesn't think that they mind.


Anonymous said...

i'm gonna get me one of them robots. especially if i can have one like that. funny, smart, clever enough to deflect potential disaster *and* manage to daydream of a "real" job that fulfills her every desire? she sounds pretty freaking special to me.

of course, i've known robots like her...and, if memory serves (and i'm *quite* sure it does) some of 'em actually were able to break free of the drudgery, the drones, and the desk, in order to slip out into the world they knew was waiting for them all along. a dream can go a long way, when a robot has the gumption *and* ability to do something about it.

i love this post... and thoughts of you telling noreen/nadia/nadine to "bugger off" makes me laugh, even as i shake my head and wonder how big a ladder i should load onto my car before i drive over to your office in order to bust you out of there! xoxox

Anonymous said...

Hey, I was that robot! But I grew a human heart and busted through the window and ran and ran and ran. With two kids, and no plan...and here I am. Sometimes it's scary being human, and can be painful, but mostly it's real good stuff. Maybe I'll show up with Neva with some bricks to toss through the window and a trampoline to catch you. The kind with the big red circle in the middle so you know just where to aim your patootie. XOXOXO

Sweet and Salty said...

G, I don't know the details, but I know you're kind, intelligent, funny and creative. Neva knows you much better and it sounds like she's "betting" on you, though I know for sure she's not alone. We all are.
With the motivation and drive that you've displayed in some aspects of your life, I can't really imagine you not being able to accompolish anything at all, though it may take time (that nasty thing called practical life interferes where you gotta pay bills.)
Neva, let me know and I'll go with you; I'll hold the ladder while you climb up. (smile)

DaBich said...

Can I come along too and cheer for ALL of you, especially for g???
Hang in there, lady, it WILL get better! HUGZ!

ann said...

I am very familiar with that robot, except that my robot cannot even visit blog friends on company time... that robot has to wait for a window in her own time to be creative and even then those windows are few and far between because my robot is a housework robot too, a take care of the last and the next generation robot too

let us unite and find a retreat for RCR Anonymous... Repressed Creative Robots

lotsa luv ann xxxx

p.s. today I am human, today I am commenting here.... tomorrow I shall be robot administrator, tomorrow I shall not be commenting here

Minka said...

*get a can of oil and distributes it equally over all the parts*

you are such alovely being. Funny, witty and smart and you sure rock! i donæt care how your wires are strung, what pumps your heart or what fluids you long as you are a being that knows how to smile :)

Anonymous said...

Great, funny, and sensitive post, G. And, because we're all at least part-time robots, we can readily relate.

Once a robot becomes aware she's a robot, though, she isn't a robot any more. She's human, and subject to the species' profound feelings of joy and pain.

The gifted and generous of these reach out and share their feelings, enriching and warming those around her. For example,

Thank you, human.

G said...

Nevala: I just thought of Rosie from the Jetsons! You're so right about possibilities.

I'd say a 25 footer should do - bring two just in case! Love you ~ xox

Cindra: You're pretty lively for a robot if I do say so myself. I love hearing that about you and it doesn't surprise me one bit, what with your spirit.

Okay, I'm jumping!!!

Pavel: We're counting you in on the rescue posse! Thank you. The details aren't important, as you say they're sort of what pay the bills. But one can grow a little tired of wasted potential. Although what that potential is I'm not quite sure. But thanks for your vote of confidence amigo.

DB: Such is life at times. But please come along with the rescue posse - they need help holding the trampoline!

Ann: We shall take over the universe!

This just reminded me of a little skit that I used to do with the kids. I would pretend to be a robot simply put on this earth to serve them. I would say (in my best robot drone, "I am a robot, I do not love, I do not hate, I am only here to serve you little humans.". This would have them cracking up. I guess we robots are good for something after all, ay Booba? xox

Minka: Ooh that feels much better! Well a little flush to the system with oj and a jumpstart with caffeinated beverage of choice and I'm usually good to go. Thank you my dear penguin, right back at ya.

al: Aw Al, don't let the robot see these comments, she's prone to tears just like humans. Thank you.

Doug The Una said...

I too, would hire a robot, but not such a witty one. I like the log-splitting kind.

robkroese said...

Doug - I've used one of those log-splitting robots, and they rock. I had to slap it once in a while to keep it from daydreaming and staring out the window, but overall it was a good robot.

G - Was this post inspired by my robot quiz? Because you might be taking it a little too seriously.

I'm with neva, et al. Your robot friend just needs a plan and some determination. It can get out.

Case in point, I know a robot who is about to quit its job to take a year off and build a house. It's not sure what it's going to do after that. Maybe split logs. :D

hqbfu: The Headquarters of B***-F***ing University.

Anonymous said...

Hi GQ,

It takes one to know one, and I am the ultimate in company robot. We all do this because we need to survive in this world, and money makes that world go round. The sad thing, is that I am not writing more RM right now.

Had a great vacation, glad to be back.

Anonymous said...

The rest of us robots are cheering that robot on!

Dan said...

Geez, I hope this poor robot finds her place in the order of things soon ... if not, she could find herself on a pile of scrap metal. And that would not be cool. ;)

G said...

Doug: I have been known to bust up cement with a sledgehammer.

Diesel: I wasn't exactly staring. You know now that you mention it, the timing of the malaise could be tied in to that post of yours! Yes anything is possible eh? Would that logsplitting robot friend have a blog ;)?

Brian: Yes funny thing - those bills. There's a balance to be struck and yes, risks to take. Welcome back.

oddmix: Thanks and welcome. Robots seem to respond to encouragment.

Dan: Not cool at all! Maybe she'll end up in the Recyling bin and things work out after all :) Welcome home!

Hobbes said...

I wonder if Elbot could help. He seems happy with his lot.

Anonymous said...

now see? i'm thinking Doug's robot is located somewhere over the Rainbow... and is in need of Minka's oil can and/or a heart. but i could be wrong, (i often am).

you know what i think? i think your inner Robot just needs to A) win that freakin' CAPTION CONTEST and B) FEEL THE LOVE. that, and maybe put our colorful dress and take it out for a spin on top of your desk again. xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Domo arigato, Ms. Roboto! (sorry, couldn't resist...I should have resisted, but alas I could not). Let me just say...I've known robots and you Lampy-G are no robot. Oh you may feel like one and be forced to function like one but you're way too creative and talented to actually be one. How do I know? I know what I read and what your NBFF tells me and she rarely lies.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Oh such a wonderfully expressive post...yep, sometimes those robotic type jobs can really take a toll on one's energy, just suck the life right outta ya.

Sending some positive creative vibes your way, chica :D

FirstNations said...

i feel this one.
you know what i did when things got real bleak? i printed out a picture off the net of John Cleese in a bikini, folded it up and put it in my purse where it resides to this day. Just knowing it was there with me in the same room with the plastic blathering secretaries, bosses and clients made me feel wickedly happy! still does, too.
confidential to dougie: an ounce? honey. please. you'll shoot your eye out. (fyi 50.00 U.S. will get you a gm in BC.)

G said...

Weirsdo: Maybe I should talk to him. I'm going over now.

Neva: You always know the right thing to say - where's the dress?!
Ooh, I like this idea - our own Wizard of Blogs!

Joel: First the vacation, now the Japanese. Okay that was pretty funny and I just bet you laughed as you typed that in. Sure. I don't know Joel, I put on a pretty good show. That NBFF!

zenfo: So you're saying not bad for a robot? Thanks for the vibes :)

fn: Whoa - welcome back. How are you feeling? Hope all are on the mend.

Hey now, that's a good idea (as Julian would say)! Of course, my racing thoughts and running commentary are usually pretty good company also.

Disclaimer: any type of illegal references on my blog are not that of the blog author or family. Have a nice day.

Sar said...

Thank goodness the holidays are upon us so we can get a break from the duldrums of ofc life (well those of us who get to go out and play robot and actually have an ofc life).

Chin up G or your beautimous new crown will fall off, as you're officially the brawl's new reigning caption contest winner! :)))

G said...

Yes indeed girlfriend!

Woohoo - that's a hat trick everyone as Messier takes a spin around the ice!

Now it's time to say G'night!

Thanks Sar!!!! Oops my crown fell off with all that skating! ;)

Nessa said...

Sounds very familiar.

G said...

Goldennib: We may have to form our own little secret society.

Elbot said...

That story was beautiful. It made me cry. Thank you, I enjoy reading about my fellow robots.

P.S. When we robots are in charge we will put Doug to work chopping wood, and we robots would take over writing the dictionaries.

G said...

Why thank you Elbot and it seems my verifier could be my robot name, aofgt.

As to Doug, I like that idea very much, although I'm not sure if his lumberjackmanship is up to your lexicography.